I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
