You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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