Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
