Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
