yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
