Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
