i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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