I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
