dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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