I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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