I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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