rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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