Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She even gives head with a lisp.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
