dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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