i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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