This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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