I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
