I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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