my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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