sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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