I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize