i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
