end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
