you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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