you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize