I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
