she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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