omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
