Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
