She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk is not a location!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
