Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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