evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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