I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize