Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
