I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
