Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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