i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
