I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
