totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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