you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
