What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
