I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
