He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
