Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
