Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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