I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
