hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
