can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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