If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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