youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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