she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
