i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
