my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
