I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
