He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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