dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
