We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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