I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
