Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
