i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
