If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
