Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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