I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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