Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
