Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
