I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
