Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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