Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
