Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
