yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
