brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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