Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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