Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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